Emotionally maturing your leadership

Here are our top takeaways:

1. Alfred Adler is worth finding out about
   Judy bases her therapy on the work of pioneering psychotherapist Alfred Adler who was born in 1870. Adler believed that underneath many mental health problems is a feeling of inadequacy and inferiority; with that comes a sense of feeling like we don’t belong. Born into a Jewish family, Adler later became a Christian and for Judy his theories resonate with her theology: “So many of us want to feel that sense of unconditional love and belonging, and that’s what Jesus gives us.”
2. We need to improve our self awareness
   Good leaders need to acknowledge their brokenness and imperfections and become more self aware. As Judy said, “if we understand our own thoughts, our feelings, our responses, we can begin to shift unhealthy patterns. If we learn to know ourselves deeply, we can begin to respond to life rather than react to it. It brings in more choice and control, and moves us from a helpless position to a more empowered one.”
3. Struggling doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human
   Almost all of us are touched in some way by mental health issues, whether those are our own or of someone close to us. One in four people will experience a diagnosable mental illness in their life. But 91% of Christians believe that mental health is stigmatised in their church and mental health is still rarely spoken about it many churches. It’s not unspiritual to struggle with your mental health, even if you’re in leadership. You’re simply human.
4. Try a personality quiz!
   Proverbs 23:7 reads “As he thinks in his heart, so he is.” Or as Judy put it “Our internal beliefs massively shape our outward actions.” We all see the world through our own lens that developed as we learnt how to exist in this world. Judy encouraged us to explore the subconscious thoughts that shape our behaviour; things like, “I have to please everyone to be okay,” or “I need to succeed to be accepted.” If we can understand some of these unhelpful thoughts and bring them out into the open it will help us respond better when unexpected or difficult events happen. This personality quiz can help us identify those areas we need to unpick. Click here for Judy’s recommended Lifestyle quiz and guide.
5. Think of yourself as equal
   As Judy said “it releases so much pressure when I realise that I am no better or worse than anyone else...Ministry is not this one way street, where it’s the strong helping the weak. It’s actually people just walking side by side, pointing each other to Jesus.”
6. Let go of what is not ours
   Adler’s “separation of tasks” concept can be freeing. You are encouraged to imagine a ring or circle around yourself. Picture a circle around yourself. Inside are your responsibilities: your feelings, thoughts, and actions. Outside are others’ reactions, emotions, and decisions.You can support and care for others but you are not responsible for their inner world. We can learn to stay true to our own calling and values without being influenced by other people’s reactions and behaviours  – if we let go of the things that aren’t ours in the first place!
7. Be self-forgetful
   Once we have learnt about who we are, we are in the best place to be interested in serving others. Adler said that the best measure of people’s mental health is their ability to be interested in the interests of others. As Judy said, “we want to bring our healthy and whole selves to other people”. Judy particularly recommends reading Timothy Keller’s book “The Freedom of Self-forgetfulness.” It’s one I try to read every year!

During Proximity Conference 2025, Abi Thomas interviewed a range of contributors digging deeper into the topics they discussed in our time together. Here is the interview with Judy: Proximity Conference 2025: Therapy and Jesus