(names have been changed to protect confidentiality)
Thud. Thud. The knock on the door makes me jump, the children scarper upstairs. I open it to find my neighbour in her dressing gown pacing up and down. Drunk and very distressed. Before I can invite her in, she has marched straight into the kitchen. I know immediately Jenny is too high to have a sensible conversation. I know we could be waiting hours for her to come down. I know anything I say could quite possibly make everything worse. And right now, I have my own children to look after. I gently lead Jenny back up the street to her own house and encourage her to get some sleep. We will chat again when she is sober.
I have known Jenny for years now. I love her deeply but the only reason that our friendship has not broken down, like many others around her, is because I have learnt that our relationship needs boundaries. My own safety and the safety of my children will always come first. I’ve learnt the hard way that dropping everything for someone is not always in their best interest or mine. I know myself well enough these days to take a moment before I rush in to saying yes. The best thing I can do is to take a breath stop, pause, and pray. I remember that I’m not the saviour. Jesus is.
When we long to live a life that loves like Jesus, we find ourselves constantly aware of the never-ending need around us. Unless we acknowledge that Jesus is the saviour and not us, we can end up burnt out, discouraged, and running on empty. Our families get the worst of us and so do all the people we are trying to love.
We are absolutely called to seek God’s kingdom first, to live a life of sacrificial living for the glory of God. Ephesians 2:10 talks about the good works that God has prepared in advance for us to do but we are to live this life in Him and through Him. Never in our own strength or wisdom. In His mercy, God pours out grace over our weakness. He knows our capacity far better than we do. Where I have lost hours seeking to help in my own strength, He is able to part oceans in moments.
So, I take a breath, pause and pray. I go to my friend Jesus and ask for wisdom.
Recently I got an emergency call asking if I could attend an important tribunal with an adult who is part of our church community. The judge would decide if this person was eligible for life-changing financial support. I was free in my diary, but it was my day off. So, I took a breath, prayed, and called another lady in the Church to see if she could go. The lady was so blessed to have been asked, so eager to be of assistance, and as a result, a new friendship formed. God had a better plan. The thing that really blew me away was on the day of the tribunal, a call was received to say that no one needed to attend after all, the judge called later with an offer proving to be life transforming. What an answer to prayer: tribunals settled, friendships formed, boundaries in place, and Jesus gently reminding me he is saviour, not me.
Prayer
Father God thank you that your word tells us that you have given us everything we need for life and godliness. Thank you that your love for those around is so much greater than we could ever imagine. Thank you that you know our capacity and what we can manage. Help us to walk so closely with you that we never do anything without you or in our own strength. Give us wisdom in those impossible situations that only you know the answer to. Give us the strength to say yes and the confidence in you to say no. Grow our faith. Pour out your mercy and love. Keep filling us with your Spirit so that we might shine brightly. Your Kingdom come. Your will be done.