“I realised I’m not useless, just shy at first.”
It’s the moments when we get to hear comments like the one above, that we’re reminded just how important it is to give young people a space to learn more about themselves. Before coming along to the Know Your Worth course, this teenage girl had mistaken her shyness for being useless, she felt that she didn’t bring much to the people around her and that was affecting her ability to make friends. Since then, that same participant shared, ‘I’ve learnt to embrace myself’. It is such a joy seeing teenage girls grow their self-esteem and become more comfortable in their own skin.
If you know any teenage girls in your church or community, the chances are you’ve already seen the quiet crisis many of them are facing. Behind the make-up and the phone screens, there’s often a deep battle with self-worth. You may see it in how our teenage girls carry themselves, how they speak (or don’t), and the many ways they desperately long to fit in.
For some girls, growing up has meant hearing more internal criticism than encouragement. In a culture that tells them they’re not enough, unless they look or act a certain way, the voice of truth can get drowned out. That’s where the local church can make a real difference. Not with slick programmes, but through real people who show up faithfully, listen carefully, and reflect what it means to love unconditionally.
Self-esteem isn’t just about feeling good; it’s about knowing your intrinsic value because you’re made in the image of God. That truth can be transformative. Here are five simple but powerful ways we can help teenage girls begin to believe it.
Listen First – Really Listen
Teenagers can tell when someone’s genuinely interested, and when they’re just being polite. One of the most powerful things we can do is actively listen, without fixing, correcting, or preaching. It might not feel like much, but to a teen girl who, for a multitude of reasons, may be feeling insignificant or misunderstood, being heard can be healing.
“One of the most powerful things we can do is actively listen,
without fixing, correcting, or preaching.”
It’s also about how we listen. Sitting beside them or moving alongside them instead of standing over them, can remind us all of our equal value. Listening doesn’t mean advising. Even Jesus often responded with questions and presence before giving answers. We can do the same.
Take an Interest in Their World
You don’t need to necessarily love the things that they do, or know all the latest fashion trends to still care about what matters to them. When we ask open questions like “what’s something you’ve enjoyed this week?” or “what’s your favourite thing to do when no one’s around?”, we’re saying, “I see you.” That kind of attention tells a young person that their voice and opinion matters.
A key aspect of this is to go at their pace. Don’t rush to dig deep. If they’re not ready to talk, that’s okay. Keep showing up. Over time, your interest in their life can help them feel seen, and that alone can boost their sense of worth.
Call Out the Good
Low self-esteem often blinds girls to their strengths. They might have leadership skills, compassion, humour, creativity, but they can’t always see it. That’s where we can come in. We can speak truth over them. “I’ve noticed you’re really kind to your friends.” “I love laughing with you!.” “You seem to have a lot of knowledge about music.”
“It might seem small, but your words could be the first positive things
they’ve heard about themselves all week.”
It might seem small, but your words could be the first positive things they’ve heard about themselves all week. In Proverbs it says, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24). Let’s be people who speak life into their identity.
On one of our Know Your Worth self-esteem courses, after affirming one another during a final session, we had a 13 year old participant look up with tears in her eyes and say ‘no-one has ever said those things to me before’. She was moved, and it was beautiful. We must never underestimate our presence in helping remind teenage girls of theirs.
Encourage Them to Try New Things
Trying something new can be a turning point for a girl who doesn’t think she’s capable. And we have learnt that feeling capable is a bow in our self-esteem arrow. Whether it’s joining a group, helping others in some way, leading part of a session, cooking, or even praying out loud, new experiences can build confidence, which in turn impacts self-esteem.
It helps when we’re willing to try new things too. If they see us stepping out, making mistakes, and laughing it off, they learn it’s okay not to be perfect. Growth is part of discipleship. We’re not trying to create polished young people. Rather, we’re helping them discover who God made them to be.
Model Growth Ourselves
Often, teenage girls are watching us more than they’re listening. They’ll notice how we talk about ourselves, how we deal with failure, how we respond to stress. And whilst we will not always get it ‘right’, if we model humility, security, and honesty about our own growth, they learn that it’s okay to still be on a journey too.
In guiding our teenage girls into and through a stage of growth towards more secure self-esteem, we too are continually invited into the same process ourselves. This privilege may well be the most significant way that we can support the teenage girls that we know and love to grow self-esteem themselves.
“Our young people don’t need perfect role models;
they need our presence and our time.”
When we listen deeply to our teenage girls, when we call out the good in them, when we encourage them to try, and when we model growth ourselves, we create spaces where they can begin to believe they are valued, capable, and deeply loved. Our young people don’t need perfect role models; they need our presence and our time. And when we step up to nurture the self-esteem of our wonderful teenage girls we are strengthening the whole body of Christ at the same time.
Connect with Deborah: know-your-worth.org.uk
(Photograph used with permission)