Should we allow dogs in church? No question is too daft (or too contentious) for our leaders WhatsApp group! We know that connection is key for church leaders – in fact isolation is the main reason our leaders burn out or have poor mental health. We all need spaces to ask the silly as well as the serious questions, but who would have thought this would be the one that generated the most traffic on the group chat? Whether to ask what to do with our canine friends, or to dig into something more theological or pastoral, we need each other.
A key part of my work helping church planters is to gather our leaders into groups, to help address the loneliness they experience. Recent research undertaken at Revitalise Trust – the organisation established in 2017 to support HTB* network leaders across 180+ churches – revealed that the principle cause of poor mental health and burnout amongst our leaders is isolation.
It shouldn’t be a surprise that we need community, after all we are a church that worships a Trinitarian God – a proximate community of three : Father, Son and Holy Spirit. At the beginning of time, Genesis 1-2 reveals the inter-dependency of the Trinity, as the Spirit hovered over the waters and God called light into being. Some people/I also interpret the presence of God walking in the garden in the cool of the day as a pre-incarnate appearance of Jesus.
The problem is: for the church leaders I work with, their relationships with other leaders can sometimes feel more approximate, than they do proximate. The difference in word may seem small, but the outworking in reality is significant. To be approximate in our relationships with other leaders is for our connectedness to remain somewhat vague: a coffee talked about but never realised, an overnight visit discussed but delayed to next year, a phone call squeezed out again due to an over-packed diary.
In contrast, to be proximate is to be precise in the way we plan and build relationships with other leaders. To commit to regular social meet-ups and to pray together. To begin the year by putting time away with friends in the diary – time to cook, pray, play and laugh together. To ruthlessly protect opportunities where we know we will receive input, encouragement and prayer rather than always giving these things away.
At Revitalise we have worked hard to evolve our training programmes to kickstart and nurture meaningful, proximate relationships between leaders. Training which offers church planting expertise and ministry input can be useful, but not if the leaders receiving it feel lonely in their setting and remain without close relationships to sustain them. As part of our training we’ve introduced:
- small regular coaching circles
- opportunities for 1:1 support
- events which gather both small – and larger – groups of leaders to share, encourage and care for one another
In this, we are drawing from Jesus’ example. As he moved from place to place (as is often the case for leaders in ministry who move onto a new estate or community) he took his friends with him. Having carefully selected those he could trust, they were rarely out of his sight. We encourage our leaders that whilst they might not have friends who are geographically proximate and literally ‘in sight’, it is possible to have friends who are spiritually proximate, who stay in weekly, prayerful contact.
Personally, whilst I don’t currently have a calling to move onto an estate, I do feel called to support a church plant on an estate in Ealing, West London. As Chair of Trustees I understand my role on one level to be about governance, funding and vision. But on a deeper level I see it to be about providing spiritually proximate support to the Project Leader and his team. He and I are in touch regularly, occasionally for me to offer advice, but more often for me to offer prayer and encouragement. I commit to being spiritually available and proximate to the team and their work. I carry them in my heart.
Every now and again, I find it useful to audit my friends in leadership. With whom do my relationships feel approximate and with whom do they feel proximate? Am I happy with how these relationships are evolving or have things drifted without me really noticing? What tweaks could I make so that this is less the case?
For those of us working in challenging circumstances, the need for solid, regular proximity to other leaders – both geographically and spiritually – couldn’t be greater. Sometimes, it’s in those seemingly trivial or light-hearted moments, like debating whether pets should join the congregation, that we lay the foundations of trust and connection we need to support each other through leaderships more challenging times.
*Holy Trinity Brompton, a church in South Kensington, has been planting churches nationally and internationally since 1985.